This evening I attended an Honor Society induction ceremony for my daughter. Chief Justice Jean Toal gave the address, apparently she's a graduate of Dreher High School. I took a few pictures but I'm not sure how they will look, the lighting and distance seemed all wrong each time. The reception afterward was held in the courtyard, everything was so elegant. The fountain was not only working, but lit up as well! Tiny lights were strung up in the tea olive trees and crepe myrtles, and hurricane lamps on iron stakes marked the pathways. I've never seen the courtyard like this, quite a change from how it normally looks.
A dark spot on the evening was the fact that her young man chose not to attend. I'm not surprised really. For some time now I've worried about this, the fact that she is so highly motivated and active and he in contrast can't be bothered to do much of anything. He didn't bother to apply for any jobs over the summer and still has no intention now of looking for something part time. He's a senior and hasn't even applied to any of the universities yet. He has no ambition. To be quite honest I almost hope he continues to disappoint her, I don't want her to settle for this. Let her get her fill of it and she will be on her way without his dead weight. I'm sorry, truly. But I don't want this for her, she deserves so much more.
My resolve to discontinue any attempts to help the young man's mother has been strengthened following a trip with her to Helen, Georgia this past Saturday. What should have been a pleasant day trip to the quaint little German village turned sour as soon as we boarded the bus. She lamented the fact that the parasite she previously claimed she wanted to be rid of wasn't joining us for the trip. Hmm, well given the fact that I would never have signed up and paid for the trip had I known there was a danger of his being there with us, I'd say it was fortunate he got drunk and forgot about wanting to go. Not four months ago she interrupted my busy evening schedule to have me come and listen to her bawl about how she had to get away from him, get her own vehicle, move away somewhere he didn't know about. I guess she has forgotten that night and those words. She vowed to start saving money for a car. But then she proceeds to max out two credit cards within two hours while we were in Helen, GA. only to whine about it later, saying she is a compulsive shopper and needs help.
With less than half an hour to make it back to the bus she drags me into a gasthaus on the pretense of being hungry and then orders nothing to eat, but a bottle of wine instead. I was shocked. She knocked back the whole bottle and then asked me to carry all her packages because she was unsteady. Well, high heels were probably not a sensible choice for touring a village on foot, add sucking down a whole bottle of wine in less than thirty minutes and you're sure to fall on your ass. So, packages in hand, her in tow staggering and bawling all the way, we just managed to get onto the bus in time. And if I heard "I want to be just like you" one more time I'd have screamed. She isn't going to change her life, she doesn't want to. And as for wanting to be just like me, "You've got it all, a great house, a neat little family, the coolest job..." well maybe all I'm really good at is appearances. I'm not as perfect as people think. I don't have it all together. Yeah, I'm a unique individual, but so is every single person on this planet.
So I'm frustrated with this situation. While I want my daughter to be happy, I almost want things to go badly now, just so it can end. I don't want her to settle. Ever. I'm settling for a husband who, while providing very well and not drinking, continues to have internet affairs. I am invisible to him as a sexual creature. I am his reliable life-mate, but not very interesting to him at all. That is the reality that I accept. No one in my life is aware of this, to the outside world we are the perfect couple. At this time, under these circumstances, this is the reality I choose for myself.
It was a proud moment tonight. The waning moon shown down on the courtyard through wisps of October clouds as we, suddenly graceful socialites in our gowns and formal wear, sipped cranberry cocktails and nibbled tiny sandwiches. I wanted her to be happy. And she tried. Afterward she wanted to go to IHOP for a late night snack. I love this child so very much. She's stronger than me, she will not make the same mistakes. I can't let her.
11:07 p.m. - 2006-10-10
Recent entries:
meanwhile - 2016-08-10
interpol wants my cacti - 2016-07-31
6:58 are you sure where my spark is? - 2016-07-30
armchair apocrypha - 2016-07-29
less everyday - 2016-07-27
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
nineofswords
marn
tarkis