The long and short of it: an investor is buying up property in our mill village to establish an exclusive gated community. This is the same investor who purchased the two mills beside us and turned them into $1,000 a month studios, galleries and specialty shops. The same investor bought an unsightly empty lot and created Whaley Row, an attractive street of brownstone townhouses. He's making a real difference in this village and up until now I was thrilled with the changes. But now he has eyes for my house and some of my neighbor's as well. The daughter is thrilled of course, she'd be pleased if they came with the bull doser today. My husband is all for the pay off but has no idea where we would live in between. Honestly I don't want to think about it because it breaks my heart and makes me afraid in exactly the same way as when I was a child at the mercy and whim of irresponsible parents. Nobody is thinking this through with a clear head. We have far too much invested here to let this happen. I'm not even talking about money, that's irrelevant. What about the animals, the one's still living with us and the ones we've buried? What about the original owners who haven't exactly ever left? Are we going to just turn our backs and let them flatten it? How could we consider such an unconscionable thing?
I thought we had agreed not to talk about it inside the house, but every day my daughter will ask out loud about it. Hence, the noise up stairs. It's horrible, furniture being shoved violently back and forth, the cymbals on the drums in the music room get a severe whack at random hours of the night and early morning. I won't even go up there for books I want. I keep telling her not to talk about it inside the house, but she seems almost defiant, as if she wants to thumb her nose at them. Well, she's the brave one, not I.
I just want to forget this is happening. I want to soothe the invisible but tangible anger upstairs. For the time we have left I want to enjoy as many sunrises, sunsets, and full moons as possible. Of course I want "them" taken care of, but so far I have no idea how. This is my home, I've lived here longer than anywhere else. I don't want to think about this place ever not existing.
11:07 a.m. - 2006-11-06
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