I absolutely love the fall, it's my favorite time of the year. The temperatures have barely dropped here in the south but already I'm thinking about pumpkins, big, beautiful harvest moons, popcorn balls, and sitting by a fire built in the backyard chiminea. And the baking that will happen, I can close my eyes and smell the apples, cinnamon and other spices that will waft through the kitchen.
Not much exciting to talk about. I went through a bit of a rough patch a few weeks back, during which I spent more time crying at work than actually baking or cooking anything. A troublesome former employee has come back full time and my guts have done flips and my nerves are shredded. He went back to school last year to get a masters degree in counseling of all things, but hasn't found work yet. So after enjoying the luxury of his absence (yes, I know that's a terrible thing to say) I now have to endure not only his constant presence again, but being micro-managed and critiqued by him as well. And our chef will never intervene. This will go on until everyone around this particular employee quits. He runs off a lot of good people in the kitchen, mostly female. But I'm trying to get a grip on myself and stop acting as if I'm already his victim. One employee was fired just so he could come back. And in my mind I feel I'm naturally the next to go because I'm doing the job he prefers to do but gave up when he left to go play doctor.
Deep, slow breaths. Go to your happy place.
On to something more pleasant. The Gohonzon room upstairs is coming along nicely. I'd call the color mango mousse? Or maybe a peachy shade of orange? Anyway, it's trimmed in white. The windows are going to be very plain, just white blinds with white sheers covering. I need to think about a ceiling fan with lights. If we start having district meetings here at my house I want to make certain everyone will be comfortable, especially in the sweltering heat of summer!
I'm a little surprised that I don't do gongyo more often now that I have Gohonzon. I think it has a lot to do with the temporary location it's in more than anything. But also I know how I am when I'm not in a healthy frame of mind. I deprive myself of things that matter to me. But something else nags me a bit, I think I'm ashamed to approach the Gohonzon with this dark smudge on my spirit. Does that make sense? Of course it doesn't, only I can understand all this nonsense in my head.
I found the perfect shelf/cabinet to go upstairs as part of the altar about a week ago at a Goodwill. I've almost finished stripping it and will be staining it "Bombay Mahogany" to match the other furniture.
About six loads of clothes are waiting for me, dinner has to be cooked, and the house needs some serious tidying up, so I'm off. I hope everyone is enjoying perfect fall weather and wrapping in a cozy throw each evening with a great book and a cup of tea!
6:06 p.m. - 2007-10-25
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